I’ve never been a morning person, and that fact became even clearer a few weeks ago. I had just finished feeding Luke in his room at 6 am and BUMP! My pinky toe collided with the foot of the armchair. I keeled over in pain. I didn’t scream even though I wanted to because Luke had just fallen back asleep. Of course, when I told my half-asleep husband that my toe hurt, all he did was mumble, “I’m sure you’ll be alright” and then went back to sleep. Three hours later, the x-ray technician and I looked at my boney toes and said simultaneously, “It’s broken!” (an unofficial diagnosis that was later confirmed by my doctor, of course).
Breaking a bone in any part of your body is a nuisance. Breaking a bone that makes you wear a boot and prevents you from being speedy when you have two children under the age of two who are constantly requiring you to run up and down stairs is a f-ing inconvenience!! Oh, motherhood. It never ceases to test our will, our strength, our sanity.
A friend told me that some believe if you frequently bump your feet into things it means that you don’t know which direction you want to go in life. I wonder if there is some truth to that since I often feel pulled in multiple directions as a working mother.
I’m a perfectionist with typical “mother’s guilt,” so I constantly worry that I am not making the right decisions for my children, from the food I give them to the amount of Sesame Street I let them watch! I’ve always prided myself on being someone who is so sure of what she wants and knows how to get it. Recently, motherhood has taught me that it’s okay if don’t have all the answers and that I am very lucky to be surrounded by other supportive mothers and friends. I am usually the one who gives advice, not takes it (or rather I prefer to give it). Learning to ask for help has been a tough lesson for me and I am glad it is something I am able to embrace more and more each day!